Fame for dummies
by sopmac96
Summary: "BREAKING NEWS: Sakura Haruno locks lips with Itachi Uchiha onstage at the Grammy's…" AU. One-shot. Crack-ish.
**Warning: Sakura's potty mouth, some mild perverseness, and a smidge of crack for the lulz.**

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 _Fame for dummies_

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" _Places everyone!"_ Jiraiya's voice boomed to the hub of people walking around on set.

They were filming inside of an abandoned warehouse that was stationed on the outskirts of the city.

Two chairs were arranged at the center, on opposite ends of the open space.

In one of the chairs, on the far left side of the room, sat one broodingly handsome Itachi Uchiha. His eyes wandered across the expanse as if searching for someone.

Meanwhile, Jiraiya had just finished signing the last of his paperwork and sat down behind the camera in his custom director's chair (a lazy boy with a built-in seat warmer).

Oblivious to the Uchiha's dark mood and the missing starlet, Jiraiya turned on his bullhorn and raised it to his grinning lips, " _Lights! Music!"_ He posed in his seat, right hand shooting out in front of him, " _ACTION!"_

A sultry track started playing in the background. Looking into the screen of his tablet as it panned out, Jiraiya's eyes flickered in confusion from the scowling Uchiha to the empty seat. Realization kicked in, jaw falling to the ground as he halted production, " _CUT!"_

Jiraiya looked around the room for signs of the missing pinkette before addressing the crew, "Where's the girl?"

Itachi answered boredly from his seat, "Haruno isn't here yet."

"What?! Then why the hell hasn't anyone gone out to get her!" Jiraiya snapped his fingers at the brunet assistant who stood to next him. "Yamato, go fetch her!"

Said man kneaded his fingers nervously, "Well, you see sir, there's a bit of a problem…"

Someone else beat the assistant to the punch, speaking up from across the room, "She refuses to come out of her dressing room!"

Jiraiya sat up, dropping all of his paperwork, "What?! Why?"

Yamato sighed, "Well, sir, she claims irreconcilable differences with her co-star..."

Jiraiya nodded sagely, "I'm aware of that."

Itachi's frown deepened further.

"... and she does not agree with the changes in the new script."

The long white haired man sighed, "What trailer is she in?"

After Yamato quietly directed his boss to trailer '328', Jiraiya traversed his way outside to the errant singer's makeshift, dressing room all the while grumbling about "...pop stars these days" and "divas the whole lot of them!"

He knocked impatiently on her door.

When he received no answer he tried the door, huffing in annoyance when it refused to open. Jiraiya called out to her, sweetening his voice, "Sakura, baby! What's the hold up?"

He did not wait long before he heard a muffled screech, " _I'M NOT DOING THE VIDEO!"_

Jiraiya froze but recovered quickly, "Aw, you don't mean that—"

" _CUT WITH THE CRAP, JIRAIYA!"_ He heard the young woman stomp around, getting closer to the door, " _I agreed to sing the duet and shoot a music video on the condition that I have little interaction with_ _ **him**_ _."_ She spat the pronoun so venomously that the older man didn't need prompting of who she was referring to, " _Surprise, surprise! I wake up this morning and get an email from my agent with a revised script attached to it."_ Sakura took in deep breath, " _EXPLAIN!"_

Jiraiya winced at her volume of her exclamation, "The song called for some intimacy, Sakura. Some artistic flare, some sensual undertones—"

" _YOU CALL A 'NAUGHTY POLTERGEIST' TEARING OFF MY CLOTHES ARTISTRY?!"_

Perverse thoughts of Sakura singing and dancing in small pieces of clothing started trickling his mind. Jiraiya giggled a little drool forming at the corner of his lips, "Well, when you put it that way…"

As if she read his thoughts, she screeched indignantly, " _Y-YOU PERVERT!"_

"Now, Sakura, that's just plain mean." He chided her. "I know that you're upset, but your parents must have taught you to respect your elders."

" _Do not bring my family into this, you dirty old man!"_

Jiraiya frowned, "Okay, I've had enough! You signed a contract, and you have agreed to the company's terms. You knew that changes in script were likely to happen." The older man wiped a hand down his face and sighed, "The reason we signed the Uchiha to this project is because a collaboration with him would do wonders to your image— and before you argue with me, think about it. You know it's true."

Sakura hesitated, " _But—"_

Jiraiya growled, "You're an adult, woman! So start acting like one! Or God help me, I'll call your agent and there will be no video!"

Dead silence ensued.

" _You. Wouldn't. Dare."_

Jiraiya narrowed his eyes, reaching for the smartphone inside his jean pocket, his lips curling up into an evil smirk, "I have Tsunade's number on speed dial."

A full fifteen seconds later (Jiraiya counted), he heard the latches on the door unlock, before a bombshell of a beauty stepped out — blazing green eyes and long, pink hair pulled up into a messy bun. Sakura's outfit for the shoot consisted of faded military jacket over a tight fitting crop top that showed off her bodice, dark washed pants and combat boots.

Jiraiya's eyes raked down her form appreciatively, lingering on small slit that hinted at cleavage. When he met her eyes, she was glaring at him. He held his arms out in surrender and winked at her, "Now was that so hard?"

Sakura glared at him, "Fuck you!" She spat out and began to walk away.

Easily keeping up with the feisty female, Jiraiya tutted as a lecherous grin began to form on his lips, "So much tension in someone so young. You know, I have a great remedy for that—"

She fell back a step, forcing Jiraiya to look over his shoulder, "Touch me, and I'll tell Tsunade that you have her under 'Booby Call' in your contact list."

The older man let out a hearty laugh, looking chagrined, "Right this way then..."

* * *

"You're upset."

Sakura looked up slowly as to not disturb the makeup artists still working on her. Turbulent green met a pair of smoldering grey, belonging to the equally handsome man sitting across from her.

He had on an outfit similar to hers, except he had one arm tucked into the sleeve of the jacket and the other hung limply over his shoulder. Underneath, he wore a dark knitted sweater that hugged his lean form in a snug fit.

Sakura hated the man, but she had to admit that the Uchiha would make even a trash bag look good without even trying.

She crossed her arms and plastered a sweet smile onto her face, "Thank you for stating the obvious, Mr. Uchiha."

Not rising to the bait he replied silkily, "My name is Itachi. My father is the one who goes by Mr. Uchiha."

Sakura scoffed and turned away, completely ignoring him.

Itachi sighed. "I did not peg you as someone to ignore people trying to speak to you, Sakura."

Her head snapped in his direction at the sound her name rolling off his sinful lips, "Oh! Forgive me, but I don't believe I've given you permission to call me by my first name, _Uchiha_."

Itachi's eyes narrowed. "You've been avoiding me ever since that night at the awards show last year." He paused. "I would like to know why."

She refrained from throwing her chair at him and his audacity, "YOU!" She had to choke back a scream of indignation. " _You_ kissed me at the end of our performance on live television! Without my damn permission!"

The hair dresser arrived, interrupting their moment, and began to spray sea salt into her hair to give it a 'grunge' and textured look. After five minutes the woman walked away, leaving the two seated individuals — the female to openly glare at the male, while the male tried to make sense of the female's behavior, "Thanks to you, bastard, I haven't been able to walk around or hang out with my friends without paparazzi harassing me and asking if we are together!"

" _Alright! Places everyone!"_ They heard Jiraiya's people call out to the other crew members.

"It was a publicity stunt used to promote our music." He deadpanned. "I thought your agent would have informed you about it beforehand."

" _Cut the lights!"_

 _"_ Is that all?"

Sakura gave him an incredulous stare, "What do you mean 'is that all'?! Is it not enough that you ruined my social life?!"

" _Quiet everyone..."_

"Did you not like it?" He intoned quietly.

Sakura made a good impression of jutting fish and looked at him as if he had just sprouted two heads. Then she thought about it.

Did she like it?

Sakura looked at him and shivered at the promise of retribution if the wrong answer was given. Steeling her resolve, Sakura accepted the silent challenge. She sneered, though the malice did not reach her eyes, "Did I _like_ it? It was the worst kiss in my life."

" _I said quiet!"_

Itachi's lips curled up into an infuriating smirk. "Liar."

She growled, "Fuck you, Uchiha!"

" _I SAID QUIET ON SET! Now cue the music, and ACTION!"_

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Three frustrating angle shots, and ninety four painful takes later, Jiraiya was about ready to throw in the towel. If his hair wasn't already white, the older man was sure that it would have been by the end today.

The strain between the two singers had not lessened in the four hours it had taken to finish the first three camera shots. They argued and bickered throughout the entire process, the tension festering into something more volatile as the minutes ticked by. _Honestly, I'm not fucking paid enough to deal with this shit_ , the older man thought tiredly.

Sakura and Itachi have been stripped down to their undergarments. Their clothes were strewn around the room in pieces(all part of video of course). Now, they were onto the part of the video in which the two singers would look into each other's eyes, standing close to one another as two lovers reunited at last. Instead, what Jiraiya got was a pair of petulant adults, standing almost toe to toe, arms rigid at their sides, glaring down at one another with a mixture of irritated and heated glances.

Jiraiya sighed, "Cue the music!"

 _Let's finish this quick…_

The song picked up from the bridge with Itachi's part. His melodious voice filling the room, injecting just enough vulnerability at the right moments of the song. Then Sakura's voice came in, just as equally vulnerable but with a soft falsetto that complimented his smooth tenor.

 _Finally,_ Jiraiya sat up in his chair, _some semblance of my vision coming to life on the screen..._

Unscripted, the underside of Itachi's fingertips skimmed down Sakura's hip. He retracted them seconds later as if scalded by the intensity of her heat, only to step closer until their faces were inches apart.

The director's eyes widened in perverse anticipation. _So much better than my vision…_

Sakura looked up at Itachi through half lidded eyes, hands running up his arms as in a lover's caress.

Jiraiya was clutching his bullhorn so hard, he unknowingly clicked the alarm button that sent everyone in the room reeling from the sudden wailing. He quickly shut it off but the damage was done.

The spell was broken then, and Sakura's eyes widened in reaction to their close proximity. She took a step back, only to lose her footing, catching Itachi unaware as she fell face first into his chest. Within seconds, the both of them came crashing down to the floor in a mess of grunts and tangled bodies.

Jiraiya's clipboard split under the pressure between his hands, a string of quiet profanities leaving his mouth. He was about to call a cut when he caught the intense looks they were sending each other. The older man grinned.

 _Well, things are about to get interesting..._

* * *

Unaware of the attention or the music hitting its crescendo, green eyes glared down at unamused grey.

"This is all your fault!"

Itachi rolled his eyes and gave her a haughty look, "Says the woman who tripped on air."

She shoved against his chest hard. "YOU ASSHOLE!"

Suddenly, he grabbed hold of her by the wrists, flipping them over until he was the one pinning her on the ground. He regarded her red face with an air of smug satisfaction. He leaned down, "My name is _Itachi_." Whispering close, his soft hair brushing against her face.

Sakura blushed and without warning he bent down and kissed her. Hard.

His lips were hot, burning with an intense heat that she had never experienced before. Not even the first time that he kissed her.

Sakura was shocked, lips frozen in place. But just when she began to respond, fingers entangling in his hair and clutching the back of his neck, it was over.

They stared at each other, not a word spoken as they tried to catch their breaths and their heart rates slowed down.

Before anyone could say something, the director's amplified voice sent them reeling back to reality:

" _...and that's a wrap everyone! GRAMMY'S, HERE WE COME!"_ Followed by the jubilant cries of relief from the entire crew.

Well, shit.

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 **Fin**

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 **A/N:** I have no regrets.

Shout out to mah partner in crime, **weaselcheater**! Thank you for beta reading and giving me such a _lovely_ prompt (and any mistakes you see are my own). Au revoir!


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